5 years!

Five years ago today Daniel and I got married. It was a freezing cold (it had snowed the night before, and hailed while we were in the church) Spring day, but I don't remember being cold at all. I was in love!

As a kid I never imagined myself getting married, but the last five years have been wonderful. I wouldn't swap it for anything. I just hope we have many more years like this ahead of us :).

Here are  a few photos of the day. We look so young!

   

My sister's and I

Finished!

Uni is now finished for another year. Woot! I studied hard and powered though my exam. I feel pretty good about it actually. I filled in every question, and answered all my questions coherently. I will definitely pass. I have no doubts.

I was nervous though. It had been years since I had done an exam, and as we were driving in the car to the exam I was starting to feel the nervousness take over. Then I remembered my little exam tradition that I used to do in my first degree. In the morning, before the exam, I would listen to Van Morrison's Days Like This. Thankfully, technology allowed me to look it up, on my phone, in the car and listen to it. I don't need to listen to it on a CD player before I leave for the exam anymore! Anyway, as soon as I listened to the song, I felt my whole body relax and I was ready to tackle the exam. It was such an odd feeling. I didn't realise I had such an association with the song. I had listened to it before I took my exams in my first degree, but since then I had only heard the song a few times. I guess the song is just a good reminder to me, that this is just an exam. In the scheme of things it is probably not that significant. Plus, I am not the only one sitting the exam either. The whole activities centre was packed with people sitting the exams, and we are all nervous. So at least I'm not alone in those feelings. I think it is just a nice upbeat song to listen to before an exam :)

Do you have any exam traditions?

Almost finished :)

My last assignment is now finished and handed in. Only a two hour exam to go and I'll be free again. 13 weeks for a semester is not a long time, but with a baby and a life to live, it seems like forever! Can't wait for it to be over :)

5 months!

Nicholas is now five months old, and how quickly this time has passed. It feels like only yesterday  we were just meeting and holding him for the first time. But now he is big, giggly and very very wiggly. He just doesn't seem to stop moving, except when he is really tired, and he either wants a hug or is asleep. He is also super chatty. I can't believe how much he talks. The other day I had to leave the room because he was talking so loudly when I was on the phone. He has changed and developed so much over these last months, and it is just great to watch. And for the most part it is enjoyable.

There are days/nights though that I find being a parent difficult. These days occur when Nicholas hasn't slept a lot and is grumpy. When he cries every time I put him down. When he is super demanding. And it is almost every night. During the day he will get himself to sleep just fine, but at night when I put him to bed – and this happens every night – he just cries and cries and cries.... I could continue but I'm sure you get the picture. I have tried everything to get him to sleep. I have used the night time routines that are suggested, I give him a bath, sometimes even a massage, I dim the lights, I sing, I pat the bed. I have looked up forums and typed questions like 'why can my baby self-soothe during the day but cries when I put him to bed at night?' into google. So far I have found no answers. This has really tested my patience over the last five months. I find it difficult having spent the whole day with him to then have to spend the entire night with him as well. I feel like the only time I get to myself is when I am sleeping, and I certainly can't be productive then. I just don't don't know how to get him to sleep. Every day I hope that tonight will be different. That there will be no tears (I hate listening to him cry) and that he will go to sleep peacefully, but every night I am disappointed. Thankfully, once Nicholas is asleep it is usually for the whole night, and his cuteness helps a lot. I can't stay impatient at such a cute face for very long :)

So during these last five months I have learnt a lot as a first time mum.
- I have learn that, sometimes, the easier way is the best way. For instance, to avoid tears every single night I sometimes just let Nicholas go to sleep when he is ready. I don't force it. Even if this is at 10pm at night and I am feeling exhausted. I would much rather he and I be happy, than him be in tears and me stressed out.
- I have learnt that it is much more important for me to spend time with Nicholas than it is for me to do housework or study. Housework will always be there for me to do tomorrow (sadly). Nicholas on the other hand is growing up so quickly and I don't want to miss out on it because I was too busy doing other things. Plus, I have realised that housework and mothering don't equate to the same thing. Just because I don't keep my house tidy doesn't mean I am a bad parent (you should see my kitchen at the moment).
- I have learnt that nothing is certain with children. It is always changing from one day to the next. You will never know what is going to happen next, and so I should not worry too much. It is normal for Nicholas to do one thing today and a different thing tomorrow. It is to be expected.
- I have learnt that even though it takes a little while, eventually the baby weight does start to disappear and that I will one day fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again :)
- Most importantly though, I have learnt that I need to trust God more. I can't control my nor Nicholas' life. I can't keep him safe forever. I won't always be there with him everywhere he goes, nor should I be. If I don't want to be plagued with worry in the future I have to put all my faith and trust in Christ and believe that he will protect us and keep us safe. I have found this especially confronting the last 2 weeks, as Nicholas is now sleeping in his own room. I constantly have the urge to go in a check on him and if I let myself worry like this every night, I might as well move my bed into his room.

These are just a few of the things I have learnt over the last five months and I'm sure there are many more to come.


Here are a few pictures of Nicholas and I taken this month :)

Sunday

On Sunday Nicholas, Daniel and I woke up early (even earlier than usual because of day-light savings starting), and headed down south to Abel's Bay to visit some friends. The south of Tasmania is just so lovely and pretty in Spring. The hills are vibrant green, the sky cloudless and blue, and the view spectacular.

Driving away from town and into the quiet like this always brings out in me a desire to live the simple life in the bush. I get this urge every time I travel into the bush. When we visit my parents in Kaoota, or my friend's mum in Cygnet. It is the peacefulness, I think. Not being able to see into your neighbour's backyard, being able to walk around in your house without anyone walking past and looking into your windows. Having the freedom to turn up the music, and dance around in your lounge room like a crazy person without disturbing the neighbours. I want space.

When I was a kid, I lived in a small mining town in Western Australia called Kambalda. Kambalda wasn't huge. Only about 3000 people. It was a great place for a kid to grow up. There was bush all around us and we spent a lot of time in it, walking and riding everywhere. We had so much freedom. Room to move. I miss that. We don't live in the city. It isn't extremely busy where we do live, and we don't live so close to our neighbours that we can reach out of our window and almost touch their house but I still miss having that space to move about it. To be able to cross the road and get away from it all.

We do have bush behind our house, which was definitely a selling point, but give it time and there will be a new houses being built there as well. So much of the land that used to have cows and sheep on it around here, now has houses. Houses that all look the same. That have no character. The suburbs!

Living in the suburbs makes me desperate sometimes for space, which is why when we go out of Hobart I always dream of a better life. A more simple one. But then reality hits. If we moved further out we would have to have two cars (we have survived with one for so long now, I'm keen not to get another one for a while yet), which means more fuel and more money spent on fuel, more time spent traveling and less time spent seeing each other. I would probably also see my friends and family less.

I think that for now I need to be content though with where we are though. I do like our little house and where we live. It is convenient and close to my family and friends. At this point I don't want to be anywhere else. But a girl can dream, can't she. :)

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Back to our day out together - it was great. So nice and relaxing. We even had time to go op-shopping. I bought some jars, a bottle of olive oil at a market, some material and bibs. I actually found some gray polar fleece which I am excited about because I am going to use it to make a hoodie for christmas. I'm sure he will love it :) And of course, I bought this off Etsy :)

Heidi and Finn: Urban Unisex Hoodie

October

If you asked my what the date is today, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Without friends reminding me and everybody commenting about it on facebook, I also wouldn't have known that daylight savings starts tomorrow. I would have just woken up on Sunday, accepted the time and got on with the day.

At the moment dates don't really mean much to me, I just live by the days. I know what I have on each day, but if you asked me for the date, I just wouldn't know. So when Geninne put up her new calendar, I just assumed it was already October, and swapped the desktop calender immediately. It wasn't until the next day that I actually realised that it was still September. I felt a bit silly but didn't bother changing it back, as it seemed like a waste of time.

So if you're keen for a change, why not add the new calendar as well :)