This weekend we celebrated Nicholas' first birthday. Although a month early, because of work and soccer on weekends, it was a wonderful day and the weather was surprisingly perfect. It was warm and sunny and all the more better because all our close friends and family shared the day with us.
All Nicholas' closest little friends came along. So many children in our life now. It is wonderful. Nicholas enjoyed eating cake for the first time and spending time with all his friends.
I decorated the backyard a tiny bit with bunting that I made for a friends wedding and picnic rugs. I even splashed out and made Nicholas his own birthday bunting from coloured paper and twine.
I tried not to overdo it with the food as it was only morning tea, so I just kept it to the essentials. Jelly cups with fruit, my Mum's delicious cream cheese and curry dip, bread and dip, and bright green muffins.
Emily, my wonderful sister, who is so great and talented at decorating cakes, helped me out quite a bit with Nicholas' first birthday cake. We decided to make a bear seeing though we often call Nicholas 'Nicholas bear'.
I love how the cake turned out. I wouldn't have been so game if it was only me making and decorating the cake. I would have only made a face and I'm pretty sure it would have turned out terribly.
I just can't believe that we have almost had Nicholas is almost a year old. It has just passed by so quickly. I never imagined how much joy one little person could bring to your life.
Nicholas and I have been attending a few little people's birthday parties this past month, so I made a few little presents and cards.
First I made another cap, but this time a size bigger and in brown corduroy. So cute.
I love this little hat. I think I am going to have to make one for Nicholas.
Then made another pixie hat, and a colourful card for a cute little girl I know.
For the last first birthday we attended, I made this card...
and gave the little one year old a wonderful children's CD by Holly Throsby called See. This is a great sound track which is super kid friendly. The songs are catchy and easily stick in your head for days afterwards, which is a problem when you don't know all the words yet. They are carefree and have a childhood naivety about them which I love. And even with winter drawing in when I listen to it, it reminds me of summer. Nicholas always bops up and down when he hears it. I have even been singing one of the songs during swimming lessons at work, "I'm going to buy you a motor boat and we'll go 'put put', over the ocean...". It seems quite appropriate. This is the only song I can find that has been put up on YouTube so far. I hope you enjoy it.
For her birthday she had an owl themed party, and Emily made her this fantastic owl cake. Isn't she talented!
And by chance, I dressed Nicholas in an owl shirt that I made for Ryan a few years ago, and other than having to super glue the owl's eye back on, the shirt is in pretty good condition.
I am now another year older. I'm not sure I am wiser for it, but I do know that I spend more time feeling tired than I did the year before. This obviously is mainly from having a child who refuses to sleep during the day. His refusal to sleep wears me down. I start to feel crazy and impatient. I am constantly praying for patience and love, but it is difficult.
I was told a lot before having children that it would be hard work, and naively I thought I would be fine. "I understood what hard work was," I would say to myself. "I've had numerous jobs throughout the past years that have been extremely physically demanding. I can do this!"
During uni break one year I worked at a single person's quarters in Kambalda, Western Australia (where I grew up), in the middle of summer. We started early to beat the heat, but even at 6 a.m. you could feel the heat, and it only increased throughout the day. This was hard work. It was physically demanding - scrubbing floors, showers, toilets, changing beds, carrying linen - and all in the heat. Afterwards I would head home for a shower and spend the rest of the afternoon under the air conditioner.
After I finished uni, I worked various jobs which demanded me to be on my feet for hours. I would work at Coles in the morning from 5 a.m. - 2 p.m., then drive across town and work in the pool as a swimming instructor for the next three-four hours. Usually by the end of the day, and certainly by the end of the week, I was exhausted. Daniel would drive home in the evening, and I could barely hold a conversation. I would lean my head on the door, and feel the exhaustion wash over my body. I felt weak. However long and tiring these days were, I could cope, because I knew that at the end of it I would get a break and a chance to relax. Alone. Without anyone demanding anything from me. I also knew that the next day I would feel refreshed because I would be able to have a full nights sleep without any interruptions.
Before I became a parent I thought I knew what hard work was. I was wrong! Nothing could have prepared me for the daily exhaustion I feel as a parent. For the loneliness of motherhood I often feel while Daniel is at work. For the never ending list of chores that need to be done, and the never ending demands of a child. I thought I would be fine, but in all honesty I am constantly struggling. Sometimes it is even too difficult to even think about leaving the house. I know I am not alone in these feelings, but sometimes it feels that way.
This is why I am so blessed to have such a wonderful support system around me who I am so thankful for, because without them I just wouldn't survive. I have my Mum and Anne (mother-in-law) who are constantly there if I need them. Plus, I have awesome friends who are only a phone call away, and less than a five minute drive commute. And they are all extremely good at making me feel very special on my birthday.
I spent the morning and afternoon with these friends as we shared cups of tea, pizza, cake and chips. It was relaxing and just what I needed after a few difficult days. Shelley even baked me the best birthday cake.
Isn't it just wonderful!
As a child my mum used to bake cakes like these for our birthdays. However, I never asked for this cake in particular. It was just a bit 'girly'. I do remember my sister's having this cake though.
Nicholas and I before blowing out the candle!
In the afternoon Shelley and I went for a walk. It was super cold so we rugged the babies up and headed out.
The walk didn't last long before it started raining, but thankfully, we came prepared!
In the evening my parents, Daniel's parents and my sister came over for dinner and dessert. Nicholas even joined in the fun, refusing to go to sleep while everyone was here.
It was a great day and very relaxing. Thanks everyone for being there for me and helping me through the difficult times of parenthood.
And a song about babies that don't sleep... just for fun.
This year for Daniel's birthday, I bought him a few little gifts. One great gift I found was a cookbook called The SuperJam Cookbook. Not only is the design very funky but the recipes are unique and sound delicious. For instance, Daniel really likes the sound of the kiwi fruit, lime and ginger jam, and I'm keen to try the plum and elderberry jam. Sadly though, I probably wouldn't eat a lot of it. I thoroughly enjoy making jam but I just don't seem to eat it that much. Daniel, on the other hand, loves eating jam which is why I bought him the cookbook. Maybe this will inspire him this coming summer to do some preserving in the the kitchen.
I also bought him a few CDs. The first was The Black Keys 'Brothers'. In particular, I really enjoy the song and the video clip isn't too bad either.
I also bought him a Fleet Foxes CD, all based on the song on how much I enjoyed this song.
And here is a great cover version of it.
While on links to music, I also really like this song by TV On The Radio.
Happy birthday Daniel. Thanks for being such an awesome husband, father and friend :).
I enjoy gardening and being outside, but I am not a big fan of bugs, especially worms. I know that they are great for a garden and it's not that I am scared of them or anything, I just don't like how squishy and squirmy they are.
My sister had a birthday party for her 2-year-old today, and can you guess the theme...bugs! I was reminded of my aversion to worms when I dug into (he he) her homemade dirt cup - a cup of mousse (soil) with muffin crumbs (dirt) and worms on top, and worms at the bottom, which were all squishy, slimy and soft. Even though it was just a dessert it kind of freaked me out.
Anyway, here are some photos from the party.
Buzzing bee Nicholas and Lady Bug Clare
Spider Ryan and his birthday cake
The fantastic cake that Emily made. She is so talented.
And three cute bugs: two little bees and a big spider :)
Since the birth of Nicholas, my sewing machine has been in hibernation, taking a break after sewing so many cloth nappies (a future post I need to make), but this weekend saw its reappearance in the sewing room. After not sewing for so long, it felt good sitting behind my machine and creating again, plus it reminded me that the light needs replacing, which I totally forgot about.
What did I make, you ask? Attending a birthday for a 2 and 4 year old, I asked myself that same question. For the 2 year old I bought a bright yellow watering can, with some seeds and decorated a headband (which I forgot to take photos of) with material yoyos. These are easy to make, even with limited arm movement when feeding a baby, and make lovely accessories.
When I saw this material in the shop last week, I immediately thought of the said four year old (a girl) and knew I had to make something for her from this material.
Now it took me a while to decide but based on the fact that this little girl loves dressing up, I ended up going for an apron. Tracing, cutting out and sewing it was easy as I copied an apron I had lying around at home. It was a good first project after taking such a long break. I was quite happy with the final product, even though it ended up being quite large on her.
This was also Nicholas' first birthday party, and even if he did sleep through some of it, I think he had a great time with his friends :)
Having a baby comes with a lot of varying emotions. There is elation and amazement that first moment you see your little child, and you fall immediately in love. There is uncertainty about your ability to be a good parent. What will they think of my parenting abilities, later in life? What will they say about me?
When they let you go home, there is apprehension and nervousness of being solely responsible for this little child. I knew our life was never going to be the same, and there was a part of me that just wanted to stay in the hospital with midwifes who made me feel not so helpless. Bringing Nicholas home was one of the most nerve-wracking moments of my life. So much so that I had to stop myself from tearing up as we walked out of the hospital.
Throughout my recovery at hospital I also felt a little traumatised by the birth — a feeling I totally didn't expect, nor one other people will tell you about. During the pregnancy, I had not thought about birth a huge amount. I knew it was going to be hard work and painful, but I didn't fully appreciate how much. I had decided before the birth not to have a set 'birth plan'. I wanted to be flexible, as it is difficult to know how things will progress before it begins. The only things I knew for sure were that I couldn't have an epidural because of the Harrington rods in my back, and if I had to have a caesarian, it would be with a full general anesthetic.
What I appreciate now is that labour in the real world is nothing like it is portrayed on the TV (I suppose neither is sex, or crime-scene investigation). I had read hippie books where women described their birth experiences as 'fun', and each contraction as a 'surging wave', but if labour turns out less 'empowering' then you thought it was going to be, it just leads to disappointment. While the final stage was an ordeal, the midwives and obstetrician made me feel safe, and I'm thankful to have avoided emergency C-section. It's also reassuring to know that over time these feelings start to fade as they are outweighed by feelings of love for your child, which is I guess why women go back for more :)
The one feeling I didn't expect at all, in this otherwise joyous time, was grief. Not the grief of having a child, but rather the grief of losing a friend. From the afternoon when we checked into the hospital, we spent 21 hours cut off from the outside world. When I turned my phone back on, there was a message saying that a young women from our church passed away overnight. Death is always a difficult emotion to deal with. It leaves you feeling heartbroken and the despair it makes you feel takes over your whole body.
To know that while I was in the hospital rejoicing in the birth of my son, the people in our church I attended were in mourning over the loss of a friend was extremely conflicting. Compounding this was also the feeling of survivor guilt. I felt guilty for being given a beautiful gift while our Church friends were mourning the loss of a different gift. This was when I was reminded of the verse ''Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn" Romans 12:15. This verse reminded me that I could legitimately feel genuinely joyful and sorrowful simultaneously, without guilt and without taking away from the validity of other. It allowed for peaceful resolution of two initially conflicting emotions.
But what has amazed me the most, and left me humbled and so thankful, is the love the people in our church have shown us despite such loss and grief. A food roster for two weeks was filled, meaning Daniel and I didn't have to worry about cooking dinner while we were settling into being a family. This practical form of love has been such a blessing these past two weeks and I couldn't be more grateful.
Giving birth and being a parent, I have learned, is a roller-coaster ride of emotions in those first few days. It still is, three weeks later, but I am slowly feeling a little less helpless and a little less worried about things as the days go by. I am just so thankful for all our family, friends and our church for all the support they have given us during this change in our life.
