Little People

Nicholas and I have been attending a few little people's birthday parties this past month, so I made a few little presents and cards.

First I made another cap, but this time a size bigger and in brown corduroy. So cute.

I love this little hat. I think I am going to have to make one for Nicholas.

Then made another pixie hat, and a colourful card for a cute little girl I know.

For the last first birthday we attended, I made this card...

and gave the little one year old a wonderful children's CD by Holly Throsby called See. This is a great sound track which is super kid friendly. The songs are catchy and easily stick in your head for days afterwards, which is a problem when you don't know all the words yet. They are carefree and have a childhood naivety about them which I love. And even with winter drawing in when I listen to it, it reminds me of summer. Nicholas always bops up and down when he hears it. I have even been singing one of the songs during swimming lessons at work, "I'm going to buy you a motor boat and we'll go 'put put', over the ocean...". It seems quite appropriate. This is the only song I can find that has been put up on YouTube so far. I hope you enjoy it.

Parenting files 1

First off I want to say that I have found parenthood difficult. It doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to others, and the transition from being independent and free person, to a mother who is relied upon for everything has been a real struggle. I struggle with feelings of guilt on a daily basis. At the same time that I want to be home with Nicholas, reading and playing with him, I want to be out doing my own thing. Being free to do what I like, when I want to.

In particular, I have found the last few months really difficult. I had been living in a world of darkness, where angry and impatient thoughts clouded my everyday thoughts. I had lost the ability to think clearly. I couldn't even really go out anymore because it was just too hard. I couldn't think ahead and prepare like I was once able to. Nothing excited me. I would get a full night's sleep and still wake up in the morning feeling unrefreshed and tired, and the prospect of the having to get out of bed in the morning and look after a baby, let alone myself, was just too difficult.

So, with a realisation that something wasn't quite right, and with some pushing from a friend and a husband, I took myself off to the doctor. I saw two actually. The first one didn't quite get it... I told him how I was feeling and what I was thinking, but he just thought that if we were able to fix up Nicholas' sleeping habits I would feel automatically better. He gave the number of a sleep specialist (more on that later) and told me that if I didn't feel any better in a few weeks/month, I could go on anti-depressants. Not really the answer I was looking for.

The second doctor I saw was much more understanding. She listened and took everything I said about how I was feeling on its own merit (not because of Nicholas' terrible sleeping habits). She also took blood, and tested my iron, B12, D3 and thyroid hormones. Most importantly, she took what I was saying seriously. She did give me a week's worth of anti-depressant, and if they did make a difference she would write a script. I didn't take them. I wanted to see first if there was anything unusual about my blood work before going down that road.

So a week and a half later, I returned to the doctor, having not taken the anti-depressants and not feeling any better, to find out that I have an under-active thyroid (hypothyroidism). My body had been trying to compensate with elevated thyroid stimulating hormone, but the thyroid output was still low. As I was sitting there listening to her tell me this I almost began to cry. As she was describing the symptoms of an under-active thyroid, it all suddenly made sense: fatigue, weakness, depression, hair loss, weight gain (I didn't really gain weight, but I did stop loosing it even though I was actively trying to). This is the exact way I was feeling and there was, thankfully, a way of dealing with it.

For about the last 20 days now I have been on medication called Thyoxine, which is basically thyroid hormone in a tablet. Within the first week I began to feel better. Now, after 20 days, I feel pretty much my old self, and as I look back on the last few months and compare them to the way I am feeling now, the difference is immense. I am no longer fatigued, angry and apathetic towards life. When I look at Nicholas I don't dislike or resent him anymore. I see his happy face and it makes me glad. I am starting to look forward to things again. Now that my hormones are a a bit more balanced, life is a bit easier.

Experiencing this kind of darkness, albeit briefly, has really opened me eyes to a few things that I am keen to remember. Firstly, feeling like this is not right. It's not normal, for me*, to be sitting in my room, night after night, in the dark, watching tv and shutting the world out. It's not normal, for me, to not to want to visit my friends, to talk to anyone or even leave the house (I'm often prone to cabin fever). It's not normal, for me, to feel angry and frustrated all the time, to not like myself or even my child, and for me to think to Daniel and Nicholas would be better off without me. This kind of behaviour, for me, is unusual. These behaviours emerged over a short space of time, and I want to remember what aspects of my personality changed, so that if it happens again, I will not only be aware of it but will also act more quickly. 

Secondly, this experience has made me realise how blessed I am to have such a great support system around me. I know I have mentioned this before, but I just want to say it again, "THANKS all of you!" I have a wonderful husband who listens and takes my feelings seriously. I have a few very close friends who I share everything with. They are super supportive, and do things like suggest I go to the doctors and then make sure I do it. I also have parents and parents-in-laws who were extremely helpful. They helped me look after Nicholas, keep the house clean and cook meals when it  was all just too much. It is so easy, as a mum, to feel like you are alone in this parenting journey sometimes (the extended version of this will be left for another post), but with a good support team it makes life a little easier during the hard times. I just hope that in the future I can provide to others the support they need, just as I was given in my time of need.

With these last two points in mind, I also realise how important it is to talk with others about how I am feeling. To not keep it bottled up inside, but to share how I am feeling, and not be afraid to admit and ask for help. Honesty in this type of situation is essential. Without the help and encouragement of others this time would have been much worse than it already was.

So basically this is why I haven't really been blogging a lot this year. I was finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning, let alone having enough motivation to sit down and write a blog post. Hopefully as time passes this will continue to change, and I will continue to feel more like my old self. 

*I have used italics to point out that this behaviour is not usual for me. I don't want to generalise or offend anyone. 

Another year older!

I am now another year older. I'm not sure I am wiser for it, but I do know that I spend more time feeling tired than I did the year before. This obviously is mainly from having a child who refuses to sleep during the day. His refusal to sleep wears me down. I start to feel crazy and impatient. I am constantly praying for patience and love, but it is difficult.

I was told a lot before having children that it would be hard work, and naively I thought I would be fine. "I understood what hard work was," I would say to myself. "I've had numerous jobs throughout the past years that have been extremely physically demanding. I can do this!"

During uni break one year I worked at a single person's quarters in Kambalda, Western Australia (where I grew up), in the middle of summer. We started early to beat the heat, but even at 6 a.m. you could feel the heat, and it only increased throughout the day. This was hard work. It was physically demanding - scrubbing floors, showers, toilets, changing beds, carrying linen - and all in the heat. Afterwards I would head home for a shower and spend the rest of the afternoon under the air conditioner.

After I finished uni, I worked various jobs which demanded me to be on my feet for hours. I would work at Coles in the morning from 5 a.m. - 2 p.m., then drive across town and work in the pool as a swimming instructor for the next three-four hours. Usually by the end of the day, and certainly by the end of the week, I was exhausted. Daniel would drive home in the evening, and I could barely hold a conversation. I would lean my head on the door, and feel the exhaustion wash over my body. I felt weak. However long and tiring these days were, I could cope, because I knew that at the end of it I would get a break and a chance to relax. Alone. Without anyone demanding anything from me. I also knew that the next day I would feel refreshed because I would be able to have a full nights sleep without any interruptions.

Before I became a parent I thought I knew what hard work was. I was wrong! Nothing could have prepared me for the daily exhaustion I feel as a parent. For the loneliness of motherhood I often feel while Daniel is at work. For the never ending list of chores that need to be done, and the never ending demands of a child. I thought I would be fine, but in all honesty I am constantly struggling. Sometimes it is even too difficult to even think about leaving the house. I know I am not alone in these feelings, but sometimes it feels that way.

This is why I am so blessed to have such a wonderful support system around me who I am so thankful for, because without them I just wouldn't survive. I have my Mum and Anne (mother-in-law) who are constantly there if I need them. Plus, I have awesome friends who are only a phone call away, and less than a five minute drive commute. And they are all extremely good at making me feel very special on my birthday.

I spent the morning and afternoon with these friends as we shared cups of tea, pizza, cake and chips. It was relaxing and just what I needed after a few difficult days. Shelley even baked me the best birthday cake.

Isn't it just wonderful!

As a child my mum used to bake cakes like these for our birthdays. However, I never asked for this cake in particular. It was just a bit 'girly'. I do remember my sister's having this cake though.

Nicholas and I before blowing out the candle!

In the afternoon Shelley and I went for a walk. It was super cold so we rugged the babies up and headed out.

 The walk didn't last long before it started raining, but thankfully, we came prepared!

In the evening my parents, Daniel's parents and my sister came over for dinner and dessert. Nicholas even joined in the fun, refusing to go to sleep while everyone was here.

It was a great day and very relaxing. Thanks everyone for being there for me and helping me through the difficult times of parenthood.

And a song about babies that don't sleep... just for fun.

Stampin' Up!

I finally had my own Stampin' Up party today. It was fun. Most of us made a few cards. I always feel inspired and creative after going to one of these parties. I just wish I had more time to sit down and create. Here are a few of the cards that we made (sorry the photography is a bit rubbish).

Rent a Cherry Tree!

Well, it's taken a week but we have finally finished eating all the cherries we picked from our Rent a Cherry tree, that I won, last weekend, and they were just delicious. The tree was full of massive cherries which were shared between the Jolly's, my Mum and us. It was such a splendid day, even though the weather was a bit overcast, and a real delight to share it with others.

When we arrived we were shown to our tree and given a brief history of the orchard.

Once everyone had arrived we began picking (and eating).

After all the hard work of picking and eating cherries, we sat down for a relaxing BBQ. The orchard provided the BBQ equipment, a table and chairs, and even toys for the kids. All we had to bring was the food, drink, picnic rugs and ourselves.

And the beautiful view from the orchard once it had cleared up a bit.

This, I must say, was the best prize I have ever won. It was a fantastic and relaxing day for all involved, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone interested in renting a cherry tree next year. I definitely I think we will be renting one next year. I'll give it to Daniel as a birthday present :).

Raspberries...YUM!

I had the opportunity to pick some raspberries this week from a friends bountiful patch, and gathered about 500gms. They are delicious, and there is nothing like fresh raspberries straight from the cane.   Instead of making just jam, which is a habit of mine when I have berries, I decided I should expand my berry cooking repertoire.

First I made what I am calling Raspberry Cheesecake Muffins. I used the tried and trusted Caramalised Strawberry Shortcake recipe. Only this time instead of using whole Granita biscuits as the base I used chocolate biscuits which I blended in the food processor and added to a bit of melted butter to it. I used enough to make a cup full. I then made the filling and mixed a cup of whole raspberries into it and stirred. I admit that despite the muffins not looking very pretty they tasted great, which I think is ultimately more important.

Secondly, I made a Raspeberry Roly-Poly from this Blueberry Rol-Poly Recipe. I have used this recipe with both blueberries and blackberries and each time it tastes great, so I thought I may as well give it a try with raspberries. Again it is not picture perfect, but I was super happy with the taste.

This is how it turned out...

But this how it is meant to look. This was made earlier in the year with blackberries.

And lastly, I gave in and made some jam. I threw in about 250 grams of strawberries, 150 grams of blueberries and 150 grams raspberries and made what I am calling Summer Berry Jam. I also used the juice from one lemon and about 550 grams of sugar. I should have taken a photo of it while it was on the stove as it was such a wonderful colour but I always forget about such things. So here is a photo of it in the jar. Not as stunning but at least it is something.

Chutney

Along with cards this year, Daniel and I also made mango chutney to give to family and friends. We then covered them with paper and twine, and used some Stampin' Up bits and pieces to finish it off. I hope it tastes as nice as it looks :).

Where there is an event, there is a card!

Here are a few photos of some of the cards I have made recently. They are not very sophisticated but I do really like them.

This was made for our friend Stephanie, who returned home to the US after studying here for a year. The hand belongs to Nicholas. 

This was made for a couple at our church who just got engaged. 

This card is a little preemptive (or just super organised), as it is for my first-cousin-once-removed who hasn't been born yet. And yes I used Nicholas' foot.

This was for another friend who had a little girl.

This cake and card were made for friends who became engaged this week. I used the same style for the card as above, but I wrote 'Andrea and Phil Forever' instead.

Sunday

On Sunday Nicholas, Daniel and I woke up early (even earlier than usual because of day-light savings starting), and headed down south to Abel's Bay to visit some friends. The south of Tasmania is just so lovely and pretty in Spring. The hills are vibrant green, the sky cloudless and blue, and the view spectacular.

Driving away from town and into the quiet like this always brings out in me a desire to live the simple life in the bush. I get this urge every time I travel into the bush. When we visit my parents in Kaoota, or my friend's mum in Cygnet. It is the peacefulness, I think. Not being able to see into your neighbour's backyard, being able to walk around in your house without anyone walking past and looking into your windows. Having the freedom to turn up the music, and dance around in your lounge room like a crazy person without disturbing the neighbours. I want space.

When I was a kid, I lived in a small mining town in Western Australia called Kambalda. Kambalda wasn't huge. Only about 3000 people. It was a great place for a kid to grow up. There was bush all around us and we spent a lot of time in it, walking and riding everywhere. We had so much freedom. Room to move. I miss that. We don't live in the city. It isn't extremely busy where we do live, and we don't live so close to our neighbours that we can reach out of our window and almost touch their house but I still miss having that space to move about it. To be able to cross the road and get away from it all.

We do have bush behind our house, which was definitely a selling point, but give it time and there will be a new houses being built there as well. So much of the land that used to have cows and sheep on it around here, now has houses. Houses that all look the same. That have no character. The suburbs!

Living in the suburbs makes me desperate sometimes for space, which is why when we go out of Hobart I always dream of a better life. A more simple one. But then reality hits. If we moved further out we would have to have two cars (we have survived with one for so long now, I'm keen not to get another one for a while yet), which means more fuel and more money spent on fuel, more time spent traveling and less time spent seeing each other. I would probably also see my friends and family less.

I think that for now I need to be content though with where we are though. I do like our little house and where we live. It is convenient and close to my family and friends. At this point I don't want to be anywhere else. But a girl can dream, can't she. :)

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Back to our day out together - it was great. So nice and relaxing. We even had time to go op-shopping. I bought some jars, a bottle of olive oil at a market, some material and bibs. I actually found some gray polar fleece which I am excited about because I am going to use it to make a hoodie for christmas. I'm sure he will love it :) And of course, I bought this off Etsy :)

Heidi and Finn: Urban Unisex Hoodie

Cards

The latest crafty craze that my friends and I have really been getting into the last few months is card making. We have been inspired by all the super pretty cards out there and by all the Stampin' Up parties we have been attending. One great thing about Stampin' Up is the huge variety of stamps they have on offer. I just want so many, but so far I only have one set of stamps. They are just so cute and I hope to use when making cards for the arrival of babies, and for birthdays.

'Fox & Friends'

This week I had a go at making a few different cards. This first was a card for a newborn. Sadly, I didn't use my stamps. Instead, I made this...

I also attended an engagement party, so I made this pink love-heart card, which I got the idea from here.

And before the above mentioned engagement party, I also attended a housewarming party. To help warm the house, I made my friend this little card.

I really enjoyed making all these cards but I especially enjoyed using the sewing machine on the last two. It has just been so long since I have sewn anything that it felt good to sit down in front of my sewing machine again and create something, even if it was only small. I just wish I had some alphabet stamps so I could have stamped out 'home sweet home' on the housewarming card. I guess I could have written it, but I don't really like my handwriting. It's just not neat enough.

Talking about friends making cards actually, here is a link to some cards that my friend Britt made. I think they are great :).

Birthday party

Since the birth of Nicholas, my sewing machine has been in hibernation, taking a break after sewing so many cloth nappies (a future post I need to make), but this weekend saw its reappearance in the sewing room. After not sewing for so long, it felt good sitting behind my machine and creating again, plus it reminded me that the light needs replacing, which I totally forgot about.

What did I make, you ask? Attending a birthday for a 2 and 4 year old, I asked myself that same question. For the 2 year old I bought a bright yellow watering can, with some seeds and decorated a headband (which I forgot to take photos of) with material yoyos. These are easy to make, even with limited arm movement when feeding a baby, and make lovely accessories.


Here is a tutorial on how to make the above yoyos BROV: Bring your own vegetables. Super easy!

When I saw this material in the shop last week, I immediately thought of the said four year old (a girl) and knew I had to make something for her from this material.



Now it took me a while to decide but based on the fact that this little girl loves dressing up, I ended up going for an apron. Tracing, cutting out and sewing it was easy as I copied an apron I had lying around at home. It was a good first project after taking such a long break. I was quite happy with the final product, even though it ended up being quite large on her.






This was also Nicholas' first birthday party, and even if he did sleep through some of it, I think he had a great time with his friends :)

Instant Friends!

I love that, even though Nicholas has only just arrived in this world (the outside), he already has a group of lovely little baby friends. This year saw a sudden boom in the baby population among my friends and family. My sister had a daughter, my cousin had a son, two of my close friends had boys, and another had a daughter, and a mate of Daniel's had a son. Plus, I just found out there will be a new baby in the family later in the year. Also, there have been and will be many more babies born into our church this year. It is a year for the babies :).

I love the thought that all these little children will grow up together. I especially like the fact that little Nicholas will grow up with his family - first cousins, first cousins once removed, second cousins, aunts, uncles and great aunts. So many family members! Growing up without extended family members and grandparents near by, this is something I really want my children to be able to have in their lives - the friendship of cousins and the love of grandparents.

In fact, in the last week Nicholas has been to two play dates, one with family and the other with friends who are just as close as family. Nicholas slept through most of it, both times, but it was fun. It is so nice spending time with friends who have children and are going through the same things as me. It is comforting to know I am not alone during this challenging and changing time in my life :)

Nicholas with his cousins Ryan (2 years) and Evelyn (13 weeks).