Thursday, October 13, 2011

5 months!

Nicholas is now five months old, and how quickly this time has passed. It feels like only yesterday  we were just meeting and holding him for the first time. But now he is big, giggly and very very wiggly. He just doesn't seem to stop moving, except when he is really tired, and he either wants a hug or is asleep. He is also super chatty. I can't believe how much he talks. The other day I had to leave the room because he was talking so loudly when I was on the phone. He has changed and developed so much over these last months, and it is just great to watch. And for the most part it is enjoyable.

There are days/nights though that I find being a parent difficult. These days occur when Nicholas hasn't slept a lot and is grumpy. When he cries every time I put him down. When he is super demanding. And it is almost every night. During the day he will get himself to sleep just fine, but at night when I put him to bed – and this happens every night – he just cries and cries and cries.... I could continue but I'm sure you get the picture. I have tried everything to get him to sleep. I have used the night time routines that are suggested, I give him a bath, sometimes even a massage, I dim the lights, I sing, I pat the bed. I have looked up forums and typed questions like 'why can my baby self-soothe during the day but cries when I put him to bed at night?' into google. So far I have found no answers. This has really tested my patience over the last five months. I find it difficult having spent the whole day with him to then have to spend the entire night with him as well. I feel like the only time I get to myself is when I am sleeping, and I certainly can't be productive then. I just don't don't know how to get him to sleep. Every day I hope that tonight will be different. That there will be no tears (I hate listening to him cry) and that he will go to sleep peacefully, but every night I am disappointed. Thankfully, once Nicholas is asleep it is usually for the whole night, and his cuteness helps a lot. I can't stay impatient at such a cute face for very long :)

So during these last five months I have learnt a lot as a first time mum.
- I have learn that, sometimes, the easier way is the best way. For instance, to avoid tears every single night I sometimes just let Nicholas go to sleep when he is ready. I don't force it. Even if this is at 10pm at night and I am feeling exhausted. I would much rather he and I be happy, than him be in tears and me stressed out.
- I have learnt that it is much more important for me to spend time with Nicholas than it is for me to do housework or study. Housework will always be there for me to do tomorrow (sadly). Nicholas on the other hand is growing up so quickly and I don't want to miss out on it because I was too busy doing other things. Plus, I have realised that housework and mothering don't equate to the same thing. Just because I don't keep my house tidy doesn't mean I am a bad parent (you should see my kitchen at the moment).
- I have learnt that nothing is certain with children. It is always changing from one day to the next. You will never know what is going to happen next, and so I should not worry too much. It is normal for Nicholas to do one thing today and a different thing tomorrow. It is to be expected.
- I have learnt that even though it takes a little while, eventually the baby weight does start to disappear and that I will one day fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again :)
- Most importantly though, I have learnt that I need to trust God more. I can't control my nor Nicholas' life. I can't keep him safe forever. I won't always be there with him everywhere he goes, nor should I be. If I don't want to be plagued with worry in the future I have to put all my faith and trust in Christ and believe that he will protect us and keep us safe. I have found this especially confronting the last 2 weeks, as Nicholas is now sleeping in his own room. I constantly have the urge to go in a check on him and if I let myself worry like this every night, I might as well move my bed into his room.

These are just a few of the things I have learnt over the last five months and I'm sure there are many more to come.

Here are a few pictures of Nicholas and I taken this month :)

1 comment:

  1. Another honest reflection, Clarey. These will be great to look back on in the future. Love the selection of photos :) And, he will learn to day :)